Homecoming
by JoChryedLover
Summary: Christian's taken Syed back, but things aren't quite the same between them.


**Title: Homecoming  
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**Rating: M**

**Chapter Summary: Christian's given Syed another chance and taken him back after he divorces Amira. But things aren't quite the same between them anymore...**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Christian or Syed. All recognisable characters are property of EastEnders and the BBC.**

**I told myself that I'd lay off the smut for a while. But if you ask for smut, then smut is what you're gonna get! sweetkitty, this ones for you babe!**

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><p>It's been a week since Christian miraculously let me back into his life. Into his home. Into his bed. But in that time, things have been awkward between us, to say the least. We've shared touches, kisses, held one another on the sofa, shared the same bed. But anytime things start to get a little heated, Christian finds an excuse and pulls himself away from me. Our relationship has never been based purely on sex, apart from maybe in the very beginning, but being apart from him like this, especially after the weeks of forced seperation not so long ago, has been hard to handle. But I'm afraid to bring it up for fear that I might end up pushing him further away. I know that I hurt him, so much. And that hurt is going to be hard for him to overcome. But I don't know what I can do to make him trust me again.<p>

We've talked through the issues which ripped us apart, and we've both agreed to be more open and honest with one another. But despite this, there's still an underlying uncertainty that neither of us are willing to address. It's as though both of us are scared to find out what will happen when we take the next step in our relationship. Neither of us knows how far the other is willing to go, and so neither of us is willing to make the first move. It's a Catch 22 that we don't seem to be able to break out of. There has never been this nervousness around sex for us before; both of us leapt in feet first at the start of our turbulent relationship, and so the nervousness that I feel now is scaring me to death. I just want Christian to wrap me up in his arms and tell me that everything will be OK.

I'm walking home from work; well, dragging my feet may be a more accurate descripton. Christian had sent me a text earlier, asking me to come straight home from work, telling me that we "need to talk" and it's filled me with this feeling of dread. I had thought that we had already talked through our issues. But apparently, Christian still has more he needs to discuss. I'm scared to death that he will tell me that he can't do this anymore, that he doesn't want this, want me, anymore. I finally arrive outside my front door, pausing to take a deep breath before I walk in to discover my fate. If Christian really doesn't want me anymore, I tell myself that, no matter how hard it is, I will let him go.

I open the inner door and am instantly greeted by the soft tones of "Stand By Me" playing quietly in the bedroom. Christian isn't to be found in our open plan lounge/kitchen, so I make my way to the bedroom, standing shyly by the doorway like an unsure teenager. He's standing with his back to me, wrapped in nothing but a towel, his body still glistening from his shower. His sun lightened hair looks more like his normal brown due to the damp, and in that moment I'm not sure that I have ever wanted him more. I cough gently behind him to alert him to my presence, and he spins around, a surprised look on his face. I have to hold in a groan of want as he faces me, looking more like a God than he did with his back to me.

"Hey."

"You're early!" he groans, shuffling me back out of the bedroom and closing the door between us. "You weren't supposed to be here yet!" His voice is muffled by the door. "I'm not ready yet."

I hold in the reply of 'you looked fine to me' which was bubbling under my tongue, still unsure of where we stand with each other in regards to open flirtation which could actually be classed as down right need. Instead, I busy myself with removing my jacket and throw myself down onto the sofa, bringing my knees up to my chest in a sort of comfort gesture. The suspense is killing me, and just as I'm about to get up and start pacing around as a distraction from my thoughts, the bedroom door opens and I'm greeted by the sight of Christian dressed in his best shirt and tight black trousers. I take a moment to just look at him, before realising that neither of us have spoken yet.

"Well, I feel underdressed," I gesture down to my combination of my navy jumper and my oldest pair of jeans, meeting his eyes and giving him a soft smile. "You off out?" I try to hide the sadness in my voice as I turn on the sofa, facing towards the television rather than looking at Christian for fear that I may actually start to cry.

"Yeah, I am," he replies, and I feel the tears threaten to bubble over. I force myself to hold it together, desperate not to break down in front of him. "I thought I'd see if the most gorgeous man in the world wants to have dinner with me." He says quietly.

"Well, I hope the two of you have a lot of fun together," I tell him, getting up off the sofa and moving past him towards the bedroom. If I am going to breakdown, I want to do it in the privacy of my own misery rather than show him just how much his clear rejection is killing me. I meet his eyes briefly as I pass and see a hint of confusion there, and he grabs my arm to stop me, turning my face so that I have to meet his eyes.

"I mean you, you idiot!" he lets out a small chuckle, and the relief I feel is instantaneous. He's not rejecting me after all!

"Oh," I find myself unconsciously gripping onto his arm in a desperate attempt to keep him by my side. "Well, let me get changed and I'll be right with you."

c~s

We've had a lovely dinner. Christian surprising me like that was one thing, but it was another thing entirely to be taken all the way to Mayfair to enjoy an evening out. Christian had claimed that he wanted to get us away from Walford, change of scenery and all that, but deep down I know that he wanted us to be somewhere where there was little chance of us bumping into Amira or another member of my crazy family. He wanted us to take some time to just be us, and I had to agree that it had done us the world of good. We were given the chance to be Christian and Syed, two gay men in a happy, loving relationship with no bigger worry than what to order from the menu. No Masood family drama, no estranged wives, no psycho kids trying to get us killed. Just us, together. Like it's meant to be.

The conversation flowed naturally, easily, between us, and it was just like how it was before all of the drama happened. Neither of us were tripping over our words in a desperate attempt to impress the other, and neither of us were avoiding subjects because of how the other might react. There was a level of flirtation between us which I'd sorely missed in the last weeks and months. That gentle teasing which I'd grown accustomed to was back, and I relished it, saying or doing something just because I knew it would only make Christian tease me some more.

As the night wore on, Christian's touches were getting more and more pointed, and it was nothing to do with alcohol; he was as sober as I was. at the start of the night, his touches had been slight, innocent, almost. A brush of the hand here, a nudge of the knee there. But the more we talked, the bolder he became, and by the time we left the restaurant, he might as well have been openly groping me for all and sundry to see. And it didn't bother me one bit. As we waited for our return Tube, Christian took the plunge and kissed me; it was a kiss filled with the promise of things to come, and I fought to keep myself in control until we reached the privacy of our flat.

c~s

As soon as the door closes behind us, I'm backed up against it with Christian's tongue down my throat. We'd been teasing each other incessantly on the journey home, with heated looks, suggestive touches and even more suggestive words whispered in the other's ear. I groan wantonly as Christian pushes my jacket from my shoulders and runs his hands down my shirt-covered chest. I long to do the same to him, but my hands are pinned against the door behind my body, and I can't bare to break away from him for a second to release myself. Instead, I let him take control, surrendering myself to his will.

He pulls his lips away from mine, and I open my eyes in confusion. He pushes the hair out of my eyes and just looks at me for a moment, pulling my arms out from behind me and linking our fingers together, holding onto me as though he's trying to stay grounded. I feel myself starting to blush slightly, his gaze is so powerful, and I hold in a groan as his tongue darts out to wet his lips.

"You are beautiful," he tells me, and I can hear the love in his words. I want to say something back to him, to tell him that I feel the same about him, but my words are cut off as he continues, "I want you so damn much." His voice almost a growl.

I don't reply. I can't reply. Instead, I force our mouths back together and push myself away from the door, forcing Christian backwards into the bedroom, kicking the door shut behind us. He lands with a thud on the bed and looks up at me, a mix of lust and surprise. Too impatient to wait for him, I quickly unbutton my own shirt, throwing it carelessly to the floor and clamber back on top of Christian, unbuttoning his shirt and kissing at the newly exposed skin.

Christian allows me a moment of triumphant dominance before he flips us over, pinning my arms above my head. His kisses me once, hard, gently pushing my hands into the mattress in a silent warning to leave them there, before shimmying down my legs unzipping my trousers and pulling them down with him. Christian settles himself at the foot of the bed, stroking up my legs with one hand while his other proceeds to remove his own trousers. I fight the urge to close my eyes, keeping them locked on Christian's ministrations.

He shifts himself off the bed to remove his trousers and pants, and I whimper at the loss before groaning at the sight which greets me. He's back on me instantly, kissing his way up my legs, caressing my thighs with his tongue. He meets my eyes, and I'm almost undone by the look he's giving me. Christian licks his lips before sucking the full length of my cock into his mouth.

I finally give in to the urge to close my eyes, letting my head fall back onto my arms. I'm desperate to fist my fingers into Christian's short hair, but the fact that he's in complete control is turning me on even more. As Christian continues with his ministrations, I can't help but be thankful that I still get to do this with him. For such a long time, I'd thought that I'd never get to experience this level of intimacy again.

I finally give in and free my hands, gripping Christian's head and pulling him back up to me. I kiss him hard, even though I'm struggling to breathe as it is. "I missed you," I say, not entirely sure whether I mean that I missed him kissing me, or whether I missed him as a whole. Both, I think. Christian groans as I reach down between us to stroke along his length, moving his lips down to suck on my pulse point. As I continue with my work, I feel two fingers probing at my mouth and willingly suck them in, wetting them in heated anticipation of what is to come.

I groan as Christian moves away again, a groan which turns into an elated moan seconds later as he sucks my cock back between his lips while sliding both fingers inside me, preparing me for what's to come. This time, I let my hands go to his head, guiding his movements as his fingers continue their delicious dance inside me.

"Christian," I groan his name and he pauses to meet my eyes. "I need you," is all I manage. It's all that's needed, as he thrusts his fingers once more inside me before pulling out and placing my legs gently onto his shoulders. I pretend not to see as he reaches for a condom, not wanting to face up to why he needs to use one. Instead, I focus on teasing him, stroking along his cock with barely a whisper of my fingertips. He gently pushes my hand away, rolling the condom down his length and pressing just the tip of his cock inside me.

"Are you sure you want to..." his question is cut off into a groan as I shift my hips in answer, encasing more of his length inside me. He meets my hips with his, sliding his cock all the way in to the hilt. I hold his hips slightly to steady him; it's been a long time since he was inside me and it take a few seconds to get used to the feeling again. With a shaky nod of my head, I silently ask him to continue, and he pulls all the way out before plunging back in again. He keeps his movements slow, almost as if he's testing the waters to see how far he can go.

I let him keep his pace for a while, just enjoying the feeling of him being inside me again, before it almost becomes too much to bare. I start moving my hips, meeting his thrust for thrust, and he grunts out his pleasure, taking the hint and speeding his movements. Christian takes my cock in one hand, using his other hand to keep himself steady on top of me. I can't stop my eyes from rolling back into my head at the contact, and I can't stop myself from coming into his hand seconds later, Christian's name falling from my lips. I catch my breath for a second before pulling him down for a deep, satisfying kiss, caressing Christian's tongue with my own at the same time as my hands massage into his muscles. Christian joins me in orgasm seconds later, groaning my name into my ear.

Christian pulls out of me instantaneously, rolling onto his side of the bed and disposing of the condom. I lie in awkward silence for a moment, before Christian pulls me into his arms. As I settle onto his chest, and feel him kiss the top of my head, I feel more at home than I have done for weeks.

"I love you." The words slip from my mouth easily, naturally. I'm not even aware I'm speaking them until they've already left my mouth. For a second, I'm terrified that Christian won't repeat the words back to me.

"I love you too, Sy," he whispers back to me. He must have felt my tension as he started rubbing my back in a soothing motion. "I love you so much."

I shift my head to kiss him softly before settling back into his chest. I know we should both shower, but I can't find the strength to move from my comfort zone, so I close my eyes and succumb to the sleep which is slowly drawing me in, knowing one thing for certain.

Christian and I were going to be fine.


End file.
